When Marlon Brando was asked why he chose to star in Last Tango in Paris, his answer was brief: “I wanted to get everyone’s head out of the popcorn.”

Indeed, the film featuring a nude Maria Schneider parading full frontal and getting her butt anointed with butter was sufficient to keep audience heads out of their popcorn. In the same Brando spirit, we offer the following commentary in our ongoing attempt to kindle attention in kindred spirits and stamp out woolly thinking.

JoCo

BESIDES THE VIRGINS

One important point always seems to be overlooked when it comes to assessing the Islamic terrorist homicide worshipers.  An obvious question haunting the western observer would be: Why?  Why attack innocent people in the first place?  But then the obvious answer intrudes: seventy two virgins in Paradise, the glorious spoils earned by the Eye-slammer’s exploits.  Only, there is further payoff receiving little or no attention, yet calls into question an important distinction.  Since jihad proposes eternal struggle against the infidel, the souls vanquished in that war are drafted into Paradise as slaves of the victorious warrior.  Thus, besides the eyes of their own women, everyone gets slammed; the reason we call them Eye-slammers.

This  presents the inquiring mind with a problem.  Maybe even a metaphysical one.  Take the case of the big September 11 attack in New York City.  There were nearly three thousand infidels vanquished in that glorious battle waged by nineteen braves.  Very big spoils!  Yet, it raises a larger question: How would all these slaves be divided in paradise?

     Candidate for Paradise

Most are aware of the virgin payoff.  Calculating the 72-virgin constant, the yield for nineteen of the faithful warriors would be precisely 72 by nineteen (72 x 19) to equal thirteen hundred and sixty eight (1,368) virgins waiting to get it on in Paradise.  Adding the virgin constant to the twenty seven hundred and forty (2740) victims killed in the September attack— not omitting those on board the deadly aircraft— the tally comes to forty one hundred and eight (4108) on the slave roster.

One hitch to our calculation is that some of the victims were Muslim themselves. Not being infidels, are foreigners therefore automatically deducted from the tally?  And then it gets really tricky.  Not all the warriors of September 11 were involved in the New York attack.  Some recruited their slaves out of the Pentagon, some crashed on a field in Pennsylvania.

Here’s where the wisdom of an imam is essential.  Perhaps the honorable Imam Faisal Rauf of the Cordoba Project, who proposed building a mosque at Ground Zero, could explain the payoff in detail.  Since he was so sincerely involved in that effort, he might be able to explain if that victory mosque will only celebrate Mohammed Atta and his crews in the New York sector.  Will they be the sole recipients of the New York slaves?  Or will the sum total of every victim be more democratically divided among every one of the nineteen attackers?

Beauty is in the eye of         the blade holder.

Remember, those who attacked the Pentagon were unfairly shorted.  The five braves on board were only granted one hundred and twenty five (125) eternal slaves to divide.   And the four unfortunates of flight 93 who wound up in a field in Pennsylvania will only be spotted their customary seventy two virgins, plus a meager forty (40) infidels on board.  That yields a total of four times seventy two, plus forty and divided by four (4 x 72 + 40 / 4), or a paltry eighty two (82) eternal slaves per warrior!

Compare that pitifully low number to the host of slaves and virgins accorded to Atta and his compatriots who took down the towers.  Ten of them have two thousand seven hundred and forty slaves (2,740) to divide, added to the virgin count.  Do the math.  Hardly seems fair.  But then, looking at the whole thing realistically, these are the spoils of war we’re talking about. Some warriors are luckier than others.   So forget the virgins.  They are a given, except for one problem…

Are they going to be virgins for all eternity?  It would be essential to know for the count.  Are they a constant quantity, or is their use a one-time thing— typical for virgins— to be replaced after usage?  And we haven’t even addressed what a slave’s duties would be.  Since the faithful jihad braves are so morally upstanding as to give up their lives for purity, would oral sex be involved?

JoCo